Today I received my maternity hospital notes, I requested them after having had a tough labour and some gaps in my memory that I have been struggling to resolve. I plan to write Niff’s birth story but I’ve been holding back waiting to see whether I’ve forgotten something vital. It was cathartic reading the notes, but also hard work ruminating on some painful memories. Do I write it for her, or forms? How honest should I be? Will she understand when she’s old enough?

Niff’s daddy and the grandparents say I have to just move on, its easier said than done though, the day she arrived changed our lives forever, I know I have to get a handle on it and move on, so I hope writing her story is as cathartic as reading my notes.

If anyone has links to stories I’d love to get some inspiration to get me started and maybe jog my memory!

Messy play


So today was messy! It’s important to me that Niff enjoys feeling textures etc as I dislike being sticky and messy, I love that we can go to our local Children’s Centre, get babies, floors and mam’s hair covered in paint and leave the scene of devastation behind – for free! Long may they continue, these sessions are lovely for Niff but also give me a confidence boostm , other mams to chat to and loads of info on hand about feeding, home safety etc. For all Niff was head to toe paint she did make Daddy a lovely picture poem!

Snow joke


So we made it as far as the end of the street today with the pram before the wheels got compacted with snow, snow dog loved it but its frustrating not getting our daily quota of good fresh air! On the plus side I won some delightful hot choc last week so that has been keeping me going and Niff has been learning to crawl so its been worth hanging around the house to watch her getting around!

Any tips for baby proofing would be appreciated as it feels an overwhelming task, why do we have so much stuff at floor level!?

A letter to my eight month old

A letter to my eight month old

Dearest Niff,

My how you’ve grown into a beautiful, bright and inquisitive girl! When we brought you home we all marvelled at how alert you were, and that alertness has turned into a real interest in the world around you, you’d rather play than eat, rather sing than sleep and rather dance than rest, you’ve brought energy, passion and love into my world and I’ll hold your hand forever as we explore the world together.

It’s no coincidence in my mind that the first song we played after your birth was this Mumford and Sons track, Roll Away Your Stone, it seemed so appropriate, spirited and fitting:

“Stars hide your fires,
These here are my desires
And I will give them up to you this time around
And so, I’ll be found with my stake stuck in this ground
Marking the territory of this newly impassioned soul”

No mother could capture the feeling of bringing a child into the world, if I feel brave one day I may share your birth story, but for now all I can say is that it was the most intense moment of my life and sparked the beginning of yours, the time and circumstance was challenging but so so rewarding.

Keep looking at the world in wonder little one, love forever, Mammy x

Born yesterday

I read this at school and still find it beautiful now, Born Yesterday, For Sally Amis, by Philip Larkin

My husband told me he wishes for our daughter that she be happy above all things, this captures that sentiment beautifully.

Tightly-folded bud,

I have wished you something

None of the others would:

Not the usual stuff

About being beautiful,

Or running off a spring

Of innocence and love -

They will all wish you that,

And should it prove possible,

Well, you’re a lucky girl.

But if it shouldn’t, then

May you be ordinary;

Have, like other women,

An average of talents:

Not ugly, not good-looking,

Nothing uncustomary

To pull you off your balance,

That, unworkable itself,

Stops all the rest from working.

In fact, may you be dull -

If that is what a skilled,

Vigilant, flexible,

Unemphasised, enthralled

Catching of happiness is called.

Things I like…frugality!

Oh I can get myself so excited about a bargain! January is the frugal month, and we’re in a very frugal period as a family as I’m no longer being paid for my final three months maternity leave. Aside from planning to love every minute I don’t want to be fretting about depleting our savings. We’re long term Aldi and Poundland shoppers but have gotten savvy by using the MealPlanner app on my tablet and sticking to it is saving a whopping £30 a week.

An amusing ‘invest to save’ stance has been taken on treats and wine (shhh!), buying in bulk in Aldi to stock up the treat cupboard to prevent those PMT trips to the local convenience shops! I’ve found their rich tea biscuits and jaffa cakes, and Poundland’s excellent bags of Matlow Swizzels treats have fallen onto the weekly ‘essentials’ list – everyone needs a little pick me up, right?

Finally, we’ve planned two ‘no spend’ weekends which is a great achievement and makes me feel a little glow of pride as I’d love for our little girl to be money savvy and we’re starting off family life on the right footing!

Mindfulness and motherhood vs distraction and stress

I am a self confessed worried mother, one of my biggest worries on my journey as a new mother has been how easily I find it to become distracted particularly by technology. I decided to take the “hands free pledge” – my own interpretation will be to reduce my time on mobile devices and computer to time when my daughter is sleeping. Its a paradox that I fear returning to work, whilst guiltily racking up time spent not living in the moment with my darling girl. I am under no allusions that as an information crazy researcher my thirst for constantly checking emails and texts will be difficult to ignore, but I am determined to master my own way of mindful mothering. This beautiful poem by R Knight, Slow Down Mummy inspired me to write this post

So I guess I’m pledging to look into these gorgeous blue eyes more and my computer less, how lovely, now when you put it like that what could be more perfect!?