Just stopping by to share a photo from last night, no photos today as I have a poorly girl home early from the childminders and a washing machine full with the evidence brought home that she in indeed a poorly girl spinning round and round. I may still smell a little of sick myself but she’s sleeping peacefully now so on with some work I brought home for now…
I’ve been reading a book about the relationships between mothers and daughters, Mothering the Self by Steph Lawler, for my own university study exploring mothering. The book is about the mother in the relationship, where typically the focus of such studies would be the daughter. It has sparked some thoughts about my own mother-daughter relationship with Joss, about the kind of mother I would hope to be and the kind of life I hope she will have.
Some of the mothers Lawler interviewed talk about advice and to whom they would turn for advice either on mothering or childcare issues. Just this week I have had occasion to be talking to other mothers about Joss, in a week of calling a cab and experiencing some uncomfortable side effects of teething it has also been a week where I said yes to a rare evening out. Talking to friends about it I said that I was quite enjoying being back at work, but that Joss is always in the back of my mind, and I found it hard to head out for the evening without weighing up whether or not I ought to leave her for something that’s not a necessity, like work. The words ‘mother’s guilt’ came out. But why? Did I say mother’s guilt because I’m trying to assuage myself of that guilt, or persuade myself that me time is needed? I don’t know the answer but my friend immediately said, “Oh that never goes away you know, mine are all grown up but I still think, do they need me to be there for them.” I found it really refreshing to hear a mother whose children have ‘flown the nest’ so to speak shared similar thoughts.
Later this week I bumped into an old friend in town, “hasn’t Joss grown!”
She reminded me that not long ago I was worried about Joss’ food intake, I said that she is eating like a trooper and she said “it’s lovely to see them enjoy a meal you’ve prepared isn’t it?” A colleague asked me if I like to cook today and it dawned on me that I don’t really enjoy cooking per se, although I love to bake, but that I love to prepare food that I know Joss is going to enjoy, and I love to watch her eat, there’s a satisfaction that I cannot explain as she enjoys her food, probably that’s why I was so sad that our breastfeeding journey ended too soon, but that’s a post for next week.
Previously I was in a place where most parenting advice was unwanted, I was getting to know Joss and I suppose I felt that other people offering advice was like them saying all babies are the same, or that they knew Joss better than I did because they’d had children of their own. Now that I know that she and I have a bond unlike any other I guess my confidence has increased and I feel better able to ask for and seek out advice! Probably the best advice I’ve had was that which most appealed to my nature! A friend told me to read the books, as she knew as a researcher I would, but then to put them down and follow my instincts and Joss’. Why is this so powerful? It will seem really simple to others but as someone inclined to obsess it is a strong mantra for me!
This leads me nicely into a question to round things off:
Joss has a new word – want it. She wants everything that’s not hers, keys, telephones, money, she also seemingly wants things she doesn’t like kiwi, sprouts, nappy changes – “want it” followed by “no like it”
Our most wanted this week is featured behind bars here, Tramp, or Trampses to Joss got left at Grandma’s house, not satisfied by my explanation that he is away of his hols we’ve had full on wailing, then on the bus today we saw a little boy with his own Tramp, “want it, want it, Trampses, want it…” “Mammy Trampses WANTIT waaaaaaaah”
Thankfully Tramp is on his way home tomorrow, is it bad that I’m thinking of forking out £14 for a spare?!
Linking this into Magic Moments
Mr B and I are big on lookie-likies of the unconventional kind. I guess we see similarities where others might not, but in our recent children’s TV watching we realised that three of our favourite characters in particular we could agree on. I present for your viewing pleasure our top three, and I’m hoping my follow parent bloggers can come up with more, hence this is our part one:
First up, is it Mr Tumble, or Gale Boetticher of Breaking Bad fame?
Next up, sinister fave and internet ledge Saladfingers aka Sarah and Duck (I know, now you’re like, how did I miss this)
And finally, a genteel fave Paolo Nutini, or is it Mr Bloom? Never seen on screen together, both can sing, separated at birth?
Now I want to hear yours!
I’m just in the process of letting folks know that I’m now self-hosted, it’s quite exciting that after almost a year of blogging I now have my own domain name!
I’m planning some new posts as we speak, hope to be back with something fun later today to kick off the new page!
Isn’t is lovely when a toddler dances without a care in the world, arms flailing, bouncing etc, even at 5am when you just want to sleep! Jossy came in with us in the early hours and by six thirty I was struggling to hold her back. Never ever give them your mobile phone people, ever, they are very clever these children, what unfolded this morning is testament to this.
Joss is talking away ‘on the phone’ “Lo?? Nanna? Toby? (our dog) Mammy? Finally…Daddy?” when I hear a real person’s voice muffled, in my bed.
“Hello Central Taxis can I help you?”
Argh, she’s made a call to an actual real person!
We both got such a fright that Joss burst into real sobbing tears and I hung up.
About ten seconds later I get a text, your taxi has been booked from Gateshead, this is an automated message. What the hell? How did she book a cab?!
I called them back, they laughed and said because I’ve booked from that number before it was just an automated response. I forgot all about it, ten minutes later I got another text, your taxi has been dispatched, your driver’s name is Michael, car Silver Astra.
And then another, and then another, a total of 14 texts all picking up from various parts of the city, over the course of three hours, driver names Sandra, Clare, Arlen, Dave, Mark…!
I called them again, they said no cabs had been dispatched thankfully, but since our call their systems had been a bit off, and that ladies and gents is how not to start your week, busting a large taxi firms booking system!
Last week Northern Mum shared a post about her daughter’s hip dysplasia here http://www.northernmum.com/2013/09/hip-dysplasia-why-we-should-burn-forward-facing-baby-carriers/ and talked about forward facing children’s carriers where little one is not knee to knee. I read some of the comments with interest, particularly those about little one’s not being able to see properly when facing in, and I wanted to share another option. My what’s the story features a soft structured carrier or ‘buckles’ carrier that allows for a baby on the back positioning, knee to knee, as you can see Jossy has a great view and the carrier suits from birth to toddler and beyond, and we’re both really comfy as you can see, two miles into a three mile walk with a 21lb 16 month old!
I don’t want to weigh in on the debate about carriers, but I do think people should do their own research, so I would recommend the TICKS carrying card http://slumber-roo.co.uk/downloads/TICKS.pdf and hip dysplasia resources http://www.hipdysplasia.org/developmental-dysplasia-of-the-hip/prevention/baby-carriers-seats-and-other-equipment/
Don’t forget my giveaway http://thereandbackagainamotherstale.wordpress.com/2013/09/16/nappykind-boutique-baby-legwarmers-giveaway/ ends tomorrow night at midnight! You might be interested to know that Nappykind now stock Huggaluggs, which I know lots of babywearing mama’s love!
I started a two week community sewing class today in a gorgeous setting, Bensham Grove Community Centre. We’re making a winter handbag and this is how far we got today, pattern cutting, rivet feet and a solid square base. I need to work on my machine skills before next week but for a novice I’m utterly delighted with the fabric, the design and that I have started to make something that looks like a credible handbag!
The history of the building we’re working in is fascinating, William Morris and some of the Pre- Raphaelite painters were welcome visitors and their influence can certainly be felt in the rooms which are currently under conservation.
I must get more photos next time as it really is awe inspiring. You can see the William Morris influence here, what a place to do creative work in, eh!?