When I was pregnant with Niff I kept a short diary and I wanted to type it up for her as I know I won’t remember all of the precious details.

August – a positive test at the end of the month, I did about ten just to be sure!

September – an early scan when you were just six weeks old – the size of a grain of rice but with a strong little heartbeat flickering on the screen. It was amazing to get a picture of you this early on to show Daddy! This was a worrying time, I look at you now and can’t believe that you came from such small beginnings, truly a miracle.

October – I had lots and lots of naps, I didn’t like to cook meat, eat baked beans or cheese, I drank litres and litres of icy cold milk getting up in the middle of the night for a glass, I had heartburn from now til your arrival. At ten weeks we told your grandparents about you, they were naturally delighted. At the end of October I started to feel your tiny movements

November – to the local Park for Bonfire Night, we muffled you in my coat to protect you from the loud noises, once a worrier always a worrier!

December – you came with me on some work training sessions to Coventry, Manchester and twice to London, it was hard work but lovely to have some time travelling to think about you. On 12 Dec we find out that you’re a little girl, amazing!

At 21 weeks I start to tell people at work, I have a tiny bump at this stage, at 25 weeks people still hadn’t guessed! On Boxing Day your Daddy feels you moving for the first time, round about now we choose your name – Joss

Names we thought about:

Ella, Joss Mia

Ethan, Marco

January – Daddy buys your first present, a dream catcher, we nearly have your room ready

February – about now I start to get lots of strong kicks under my ribs, they start to hurt when I’m at work from my bump pushing upwards

March – I keep getting told by the midwife that you’re a small baby, but I don’t think so, you’re really strong!

Early April – you pop your feet out by my ribs and I can make out your heel and toes, Daddy tickled your feet and you started a funny game chasing his hand around! You were always felt on my right side, and were transverse til 30 weeks when you were head down

15 April – first Braxton Hicks, a few false alarms at this point, we nearly went to hospital one night but then they stopped after an hour!

29^th April – due date comes and goes but I can’t stop cleaning the house and sorting your clothes

4th May – my waters break

6th May – you’re here at last, as for your arrival, that’s another story!

 

OK, he’s called Toby but he’s still my cool guy, pre-Niff this was the baby of the house, we rescued him four years ago, he’s still scared of newspapers and plastic bottles but we’ve worked hard to earn his trust and he’s a darling.

I needn’t have worried that he might feel pushed out by Niffer’s arrival, she dotes on him, he dotes on her dropped food! Niff thinks he’s hilarious, full on belly giggles ensue when he walks in the room, pulls his butt along the floor or scratches his ear, she goes wide eyed when she hears him running over the wooden floors and smiles when he barks. I hope they’ll be great friends, I always hoped to have a little animal lover!

I love to watch Niff with her darling daddy. Yesterday we took a trip to the seaside, my family call it blowing the cobwebs away and it certainly was windy but a really lovely day full of the little things in life, a sandwich and flask of cocoa to share, a portion of chips, Niff’s delight at a seagull over the pram, then watching the two of them having a special chat whilst I snapped a picture. I thought I loved him as much as I knew how, she brings out things in him that I’ve never seen and they are the sweetest pair together. Here’s to getting away more often!

And finally, a game of cuddle bear before bed, new Daisy Duck PJs and the hilarity of hide and seek with a pillowcase, love you all in the world my blue eyed girl!

A quick and dirty ciabatta for dinner, to be eaten with leftover roast chicken, thickly buttered with a mug of tea when daddy returns from footie!

I love Rob Ryan papercuts and so when lovely hubby surprised me with this vase I was delighted, still am! It reminds me of Delft pottery but is fun and romantic too, just need a lovely bunch of blooms to adorn it!

Today I received my maternity hospital notes, I requested them after having had a tough labour and some gaps in my memory that I have been struggling to resolve. I plan to write Niff’s birth story but I’ve been holding back waiting to see whether I’ve forgotten something vital. It was cathartic reading the notes, but also hard work ruminating on some painful memories. Do I write it for her, or forms? How honest should I be? Will she understand when she’s old enough?

Niff’s daddy and the grandparents say I have to just move on, its easier said than done though, the day she arrived changed our lives forever, I know I have to get a handle on it and move on, so I hope writing her story is as cathartic as reading my notes.

If anyone has links to stories I’d love to get some inspiration to get me started and maybe jog my memory!